Oil Change Instructions - gender diferences

[ixlar8]

Oil Change Instructions For Women

 

Step 1: Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.

Step 2: Drink a cup of coffee.

Step 3: 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent: $20.00 for oil change

$1.00 for coffee

Total = $21.00

Oil Change Instructions For Men

 

Step 1: Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.

Step 2: Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

Step 3: Open a beer; drink it.

Step 4: Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

Step 5: Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

Step 6: In frustration, open another beer and

Step 7: Place drain pan under engine.

Step 8: Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

Step 9: Give up looking after 15 minutes and use crescent wrench.

Step 11: Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; burn hand in hot oil, get it all over your clothes in process.

Step 12: Clean up mess.

Step 13: Have another beer while watching oil drain.

Step 14: Look for oil filter wrench.

Step 15: Give up looking after 10 minutes, poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.

Step 16: Beer.

Step 17: Buddy shows up to lend technical support, helps finish case of beer; unanimous committee decision to finish oil change

tomorrow.

Step 18: Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

Step 19: Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during steps 11 & 18.

Step 20: Beer. No, wait a minute-drank it all yesterday.

Step 21: Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

Step 22: Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

Step 23: Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

Step 24: Suddenly remember drain plug from step 11.

Step 25: Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

Step 26: Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.

Step 27: Drink beer.

Step 28: Uncover hole and sift through muck for drain plug.

Step 29: Mutter under breath about first quart of fresh oil, now on the floor.

Step 30: Drink beer.

Step 31: Slip with crescent wrench while tightening drain plug, bang knuckles on frame.

Step 32: Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.

Step 33: Begin uncontrollable cussing fit.

Step 34: Throw wrench.

Step 35: Cuss for additional 10 minutes due to thrown wrench damaging Miss December (1992) in the left boob.

Step 36: Beer.

Step 37: Clean up hands and forehead; bandage as required to stop blood flow.

Step 38: Beer.

Step 39: Another beer.

Step 40: Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

Step 41: Beer.

Step 42: Lower car from jack stands.

Step 43: Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

Step 44: Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

Step 45: Beer.

Step 46: Test drive car.

Step 47: Get pulled over & arrested for driving under the influence.

Step 48: Car gets impounded.

Step 49: Make bail; retrieve car from impound yard.

Money Spent: $50.00 Parts

$27.50 Beer

$75.00 replacement set of jack stands

$1,000.00 Bail

$200.00 Impound and towing fee

$2,379.50 Fines and court costs

Total = $3,732.00

[94 olds vert]

Spending an afternoon drinking beers priceless.

[GP1138]

A) Older than the internet.

Wrong section.

C) Doesn't merit it's own thread.

 

Please watch this in the future. We have a Whatever~! thread for these types of posts.

http://www.w-body.com/showthread.php/45930-WHATEVER!-v2.0/page558